An adult point of view

I don't have much time to blog about four minutes so I'll squeeze as much into this one as I can.

Today I was supposed to be home at 12:00 P.M. on the dot.  Mike and I had just finished eating at about 11:54 P.M. and was putting things in my car.  Mike only lives about 5 mins away if that so I had no problem with putting things away that late into my car.  We were getting the last item my wii into the car... This led me to turning around and seeing an Emu right behind me.  Those things freak me out just a little btw.  Anyway Mike was all "God damnit!....  Robert let me see your phone so I can call Meghan out here."  Greaaaaattt....I thought....  Of course me being who I am I was worried about the bird running away and getting hurt.  Also the thought of Mike and Meghan getting into trouble because it ran away and got it came to mind.  I put the phone into my pocket and ran over with mike to lead it twards the gate.  "You want help?"  I asked him.  "Yea if you would please help me get it back in that would be great"  He replied.  Meghan finally strolls out and forgot her shoes -_-....  When she comes out she went to the gate to hold the other emu's away and the horse.  It took forever to get the damn bird over there... however it still wouldn't get in.  Dad decides to call and is automaticly pissed on the phone.  "NO NO NO NO!! Get the Fuck home Now or else your grounded!"  While he is yelling at me Mike got the lasso and got ahold of the bird.  Dad yelled "Get home right NOW!".  So he hung up....  Mike asked "O my god are your grounded?"  I said "Yep........................." this lead on to he telling me he was sorry and what not -_-;...  

I left while they were putting the Emu away and drove home as quick as I could.  Here is the gist of what happend

*Got home

*Went looking for Dad to ask him to forgive me

*Dad yells at me and basically tells me I'm a pice of shit (I should really know how to spell pice?sp?

*He says I am acting like a child

* I feel like shit don't want to do anything

*I get grounded for this weekend

*I get my phone and keys taken

*I get them back

*I get them taken

* I apparently made a good decisioun on cleaning the kitchen...

*I get them back...

Now I still feel like shit...

Apparently I don't have an adult point of view....  So I will most likely keep fucking up as I go through HighSchool my Senior year.

The end.. write more later gtg,,.......

Alone... I feel dumb... stressors....

Well lets see... This week I've successfully made crappy for myself. It seems all I can do lately is F up really bad. I mean like every time I try to do something correct it just ends up being one big piece of crap... .. I put my cloths away I don't put em all away because I didn't think it was a big deal. Turns out I just fudged up about that and Dad gets on my case about it. Then I try to do home work and just wanna relax... nope I just fudged up there I should have also done my chores...I don't know what it is really maybe I'm just lazy but ... I just don't think all the way through about what I'm doing. I guess I just need to think things through all the way...

Along with fukin up lately I also don't feel like I'm really accomplishing anything in school.. I'm doing my work and stuff and getting stuff done... It just doesn't feel like it's going to do anything to special for me. Sure a good grade but I don't feel the accomplishment feeling from it at all. I just wish I would get that feeling... but I truly haven't had that feeling for a while... It's like there isn't any point in doing it. If not only for good grades any way... which is why I will still do it but I just wish I felt successfull. Maybe it's a flaw with me somewhere like I don't think anything I do will ever be good enough. God what a bad complex... I don't know how to get rid of it..

I would also like to talk about that I feel alone. Especially since watching Bryce and Mari and listening to them. I wish I had someone like they do, somebody who wants to know me from the inside out. However at the same time I feel kinda dumb cause I have never wanted a high school relationship. It's just I don't really see the point in it when I know I'm going to be leaving for college. I know I wanted someone before but that was just for sexual reason really. Now it's different, I want someone who wants me. It makes me think I'm retarted though cause I've always been against freakin relationships and now all the sudden I want one.

O and on top of that I have takin on a lot of responsibilities within just hte last week. I have to go to choir practice Wednesday nights for church and now I have to find time to fit John in somewhere. I also have to go take care of B's house while he's gone. Not only those things but now the play is starting and I think I'm about to get really stressed out and just kinda die. It's a lot to take on and I'm not really sure I can do it all..... I guess all I can do is try it and attempt to take on all these stressors.

I have a lot of feeling floating around right now and it's making me a grumpy ass. I really haven't been who I usually am lately because of this. I just have this cloud of things around me that is making me claustrophobic in my own body. I miss the days when I could just be lazy and not worry about a thing in the world... I'm glad I embraced those things when I was little. I have to face the fact that I'm getting older and I will have to be able to take care of myself. I don't want to ... it seems to crazy... but I guess I'm going to have to no matter what.

Meh... W/E... what a crappy feeling I have right now.

About people....

I'm gonna go ahead and list the people I will be talking about... here goes...

Chelsea
Palmer
Tommy
Nash
Mike
Samantha
Hannah
Sissy(Jesie, Cub, blood sister)
Dad(Daddy-o, Father)
Liza(Mom, Step Mother)
Kana(Jessica, Eldest sister)
Jared(Brother, Jar-Head)
Aaron(Half Brother, Junka)
Red(Jessica, Sister in law)
Jerret
Wes
Weston
Zack
Noah(Cousin, Female)
Jordan(Cousin)
Eli(Cousin)
Samantha C(Person I hate)
Chris G
Seth
Sean P
Cheeto
Shawn
Derek
Casey(Soon to be brother in law)
Richard ( Brother in law)
Bryce
Shilah(Girl)
Mom(Real mother, Rebecca W)
Papu(Grandpa)
Mamo(Grandma)
Aunt Joyce(Aunt Duh)
Cathy Ann(Real Moms sister)
Kathy Lyn(Mom's other sis named Kathy)
Aunti Tami(Dad's Sister)
Michael(Cousin)
Rachel(Cousin)

other people I probly don't care enough about to list... ;3