Blog finaly

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. A lot of crazy changes have been happening in the house hold as of late. Amanda who is a family friend moved into my sisters room. Also my Step-Moms sister moved in with her husband. So now we have a full house again. I have been attempting to be truthful with myself but I am failing miserably. Sorry random comment. Any way ya... So I have been doing extremely well in school. It is really surprising me seeing as I have only changed my routine a little bit.

Hey I forgot to mention that I have been having a blast at play practice. We learned the dance moves we have to do and such. I can keep up with everyone which is also surprising seeing that before I couldn't keep up with anyone. I have been exercising on Wii fit every day for more than one reason but mainly for the play. By the time it's time to perform I want to have my body built enough to keep up with the show. Perhaps in doing this I will also keep my weight off.

So... uh ya... My brother is getting married Saturday.... It's kinda weird in the fact that well... I don't know ... it seems every one of my siblings now has someone. I on the other hand am still alone. I don't really mind it... I just wish I had someone who cared for me. Even if they cared for me just a little I would be satisfied.

I really want to put something up here but it will jeopardize my school cred. I will however post it after we are out of school. I just don't think everyone at school is ready to know this so you'll just have to wait for school to end.

The only thing I really worry about lately is what if I don't get enough social practice for dating. Then I'll end up like one of those freaky people who don't know how to date... I don't know I guess I'll just have to live with myself for now.

Other than that I have been attempting to get my parents to let me do things alone. IT's hard to because my past is painted with a lot of bad grades and such.

Meh I don't really wanna type right now.. sorry guys don't have a need to today..

TTYL (Robert)

Alone... I feel dumb... stressors....

Well lets see... This week I've successfully made crappy for myself. It seems all I can do lately is F up really bad. I mean like every time I try to do something correct it just ends up being one big piece of crap... .. I put my cloths away I don't put em all away because I didn't think it was a big deal. Turns out I just fudged up about that and Dad gets on my case about it. Then I try to do home work and just wanna relax... nope I just fudged up there I should have also done my chores...I don't know what it is really maybe I'm just lazy but ... I just don't think all the way through about what I'm doing. I guess I just need to think things through all the way...

Along with fukin up lately I also don't feel like I'm really accomplishing anything in school.. I'm doing my work and stuff and getting stuff done... It just doesn't feel like it's going to do anything to special for me. Sure a good grade but I don't feel the accomplishment feeling from it at all. I just wish I would get that feeling... but I truly haven't had that feeling for a while... It's like there isn't any point in doing it. If not only for good grades any way... which is why I will still do it but I just wish I felt successfull. Maybe it's a flaw with me somewhere like I don't think anything I do will ever be good enough. God what a bad complex... I don't know how to get rid of it..

I would also like to talk about that I feel alone. Especially since watching Bryce and Mari and listening to them. I wish I had someone like they do, somebody who wants to know me from the inside out. However at the same time I feel kinda dumb cause I have never wanted a high school relationship. It's just I don't really see the point in it when I know I'm going to be leaving for college. I know I wanted someone before but that was just for sexual reason really. Now it's different, I want someone who wants me. It makes me think I'm retarted though cause I've always been against freakin relationships and now all the sudden I want one.

O and on top of that I have takin on a lot of responsibilities within just hte last week. I have to go to choir practice Wednesday nights for church and now I have to find time to fit John in somewhere. I also have to go take care of B's house while he's gone. Not only those things but now the play is starting and I think I'm about to get really stressed out and just kinda die. It's a lot to take on and I'm not really sure I can do it all..... I guess all I can do is try it and attempt to take on all these stressors.

I have a lot of feeling floating around right now and it's making me a grumpy ass. I really haven't been who I usually am lately because of this. I just have this cloud of things around me that is making me claustrophobic in my own body. I miss the days when I could just be lazy and not worry about a thing in the world... I'm glad I embraced those things when I was little. I have to face the fact that I'm getting older and I will have to be able to take care of myself. I don't want to ... it seems to crazy... but I guess I'm going to have to no matter what.

Meh... W/E... what a crappy feeling I have right now.

About people reading my blog.... Also why am I so busy all the sudden?

If you are going to read my blog (Which btw is how I think) ... Then please keep an open mind and do remember like most people who live on this planet... I am human and I do cuss. I'm no different than that of you guys and I know everyone who will ever read this has and will bring out the words damn or shit and whatnot every once in a while. Don't judge me by a couple cuss words... Instead please take the time to actually READ my blog and find out how I think.

Anyway.... I have taken notice that I have been extremely busy all the sudden. I seem to care about school for some reason and also care about my mental health. I haven't been couped up in the house nearly as much as I was last year. I enjoy getting out and being away from the mamoth (my computer).

I went to voice lessons today and talked to Ivanna for a while. I talked to her about my blog and if I should be truthful on it... (because people don't seem to like it) . She said yes I should, but I shouldn't dwell on dissing them to much. You know just a mention here or there. After voice lessons I talked to Hailey for a while about random shit because that's what I usually do when I end up talking to her. I called Bryce and Mari decided to pick up (I don't know if I mentioned it but Mari is Bryce's GF). She was lyke " Lulz we are cyberings" and I was lyke "wrrrrrrrrprghghr?"....

Ya so after that I went to B's because I'm house sitting for him this weekend and next. He showed me what to do and what not. I'm not really psyched to be doing it.. but meh... I don't mind. So I get home and talk to Bryce and Mari some more... I'm so happy for them ( at the same time though I'm not gonna lie.. I wish I had someone T_T). I'm really happy for Bryce though... he's needed someone I think anyway for a while.

After talking to them and what not I get bitched at by daddy-o... Well not Exactly Bitched persay... but maybe a little bit of concern talk mixed with feelings of worry and frustration.. He needs to learn how to separate what he is going to talk about .... He just kinda lets it all come out at once and you know... Spring onto your ears until you bleed out of em.

So Dad talked to me about my blog. He said Red ( I know you are reading this >:)~ ) said I had said damn on it... Woopty do I said Damn. Now that wasn't his problem. His problem was that what if I grow older and someone comes and reads my blog then uses it against me? Well I told him that it just shows I have nothing to hide. He didn't really have a counter argument for that so he just did what he always does. He just made sure I understood the point. Then I got a concern talk ( I like that better than yelling cause he wasn't yelling ... it was more of a strong tone) about my glasses. My warranty will run out tomorrow and I need to go get them replaced.. No problem there I just have to go after church. Then we had a discussion about my MD (Muscular Dystrophy.) and how I need to make an appointment with the MDA clinic to prove I have it. Then we need to finish up the SS work and stuff. It wasn't a bad discussion... just felt as if I wasn't able to keep up with the conversation at all cause I'm bad about details... and that's what he's good at. So he had me by the balls and all points in time during our conversation. Meh W/E I understood it all... I know I need to get ready for RL but I don't wanna... I guess I don't have a choice though so...

I just kinda after that posted this and ran around on facebook and talked to Richard and Seth and Wess. Nothing much left to say other than I can't wait to hang out with Bryce tomorrow... He's such and awesome friend. I just hope I don't ruin this friendship like I do most of my others (I.E. Mike)


NIGHT :D

Hurricane Blues

So we had a hurricane here in Indiana... IN INDIANA!@!@!@!!!?!??!?!? So ya it blew away my power and telephone. No internet until today sooo ya... We threw away all of our food and our cow we had just bought. I haven't posted because of this and didn't feel the need to until now. Dad had left for a business trip and came back quickly after we figured out that our power was not going to come back on.

The side of the barn blew away and I had to fix that. It only took eight hours. I decided to hang out with Bryce and Mari afterwords (Mari is Bryce's GF She's awesome~!) the next day. WE had a good ol time and talk to H.B. Paul (Guy we met by Ear-X-Tacy) He seemed like an awesome person to me. In Ear-X-Tacy we looked at records and I wanted a butt load of em... Just don't have a record player XD. I also don't have the money O_o Records are expensive. We ate a butt load at a whole bunch of fast food resturants. I'm so sick of fast food I think I'm just gonna cook for the rest of my life.

On Thursday I drank water I wasn't supposed to on accident. It was poisoned and it made me really sick. I went to the E.R. although I didn't want to. I felt stupid sitting in there but meh W/E. Liza and dad just wanted to make sure I didn't have some kind of weird virus. My stomach still kinda hurts but I think I'm ok. I had some awesome drugs while I was there and it made me really dizzy and have a cold sweat. The room began to and I couldn't see straight. Dad kept getting closer to the bed but it could of been the drugs XD.

Today we had school and I was well enough to go. I only had choir and English but I only made it to English. I went to Prosser and played Halo. Dad and I went to Bean street cafe forever after that and then we went shopping. Liza calledand after 5 days with no power we finally had it.

I now gtg clean the house so G' Night ^,^

Just want it to be the weekend

God it's taking forever to get to the weekend. I got in trouble on Tuesday for sneeking around with Bryce and having fun. I'm not allowed to have fun it's against my parents rules. So I'm grounded for three weeks but I'm planning on getting out of it. I mean I didn't think about what I was doing but come on.

Well soon it will be Friday and I will be free from school once again. I'm already sick of school XD. It think it's because it's so damn repetitive. Recently I haven't been doing anything but studying and doing homework... I have 3 A's and a B so I guess it's paying off >.>. I'm worried about Bryce he's been acting weirder than usual.... I don't know why though I usually don't worry about him. Well he can take care of himself he's 18....

I'm so tired right now I can hardly stay awake writing in my blog. O I got Kana her B-day present and she loved it. I knew she would like it I just didn't know it would mean so much to her. I am currently writing a story for English which isn't even halfway finished... I think i'm just gonna give it as is. I mean it has all the requirements and what not so.....

Well i'm sorry this is so short I know you guys are used to reading my WOT... but o well :3 Maybe I'll make up for it by posting some pic's later >>

NIGHT ALL :D

I liked today :) except for the ending

Basically I did what was good for me today. I didn't worry about anyone else. I think that I did something I should have done a long time ago. I feel that my punishment for it is BS. I also feel that I should be allowed to do what ever I feel is right for me. I feel as if Liza holds me back and will not let me make mistakes. I also feel that this day was awesome....

Short and sweet post...

Why I haven't posted? And why I hate older people -_-

Well I haven't posted in a while do to the fact that anytime I do have free time to post I am doing something else for someone else. For example Cleaning the house or doing my homeworx or studying. In this case it has been studying mostly. I got my Comic book Tattoo and let me tell you it's Ginormous. I got it for someone else for their b-day and I'm gonna hate to see it go. The artwork in it is so awesome!

The last three days of school have been interesting. I have learned that JM running mate is well... a bitch. She voted for the wolfs to be hunted which is the first reason I don't like her. Another is she is pro-life which I am not. People are still gonna get abortions whether or not we outlaw it. At least right now they can do it safely. Besides women had to work to get those rights and she just wants them to be taken away.

I also found out the Mike (what an ass he has been btw) Decided to sell my 360 controller and still owes me around o about 300 dollars on top of that. So I have now decided WAR of some sort. Don't know what yet but he should be expecting things to change very soon. I've not been so pissed at anyone to this degree. So ya he's been a duche a lot lately.

Liza started yelling at me because my computer was not satisfactory to her demands. So she basically said (or rather I took it as) that it was my fault she doesn't know how to work a compu. It was very annoying. Then she said the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. She said that Firefox was not as good as IE. Also that IE was what "Professionals" use such as collages and university's. Then she went on to say that it was a child's toy or something to that degree. I didn't even really listen to her because she was being a nasty bitch. I was nice enough to attempt to fix her computer then she turns around and bitches at me for mine being different. I'm sorry Liza but I actually have my computer set up the way I like it. I should have been like GTFO my lappy then if you don't appreciate what i'm doing.

This is why I don't usually like older people. When something goes wrong they don't like they yell at people who are younger than them. They claim it to be our fault that they are ignorant and that they can't understand anything new. Never ever will I end up that way. I will always be up on technology and know how to do anything and everything.

I hung out with Tommy today. It was actually fun and I enjoyed myself. I also didn't feel I had to be something I wasn't so it just seemed more natural to be myself. We tried out for the Peter Pan play today for the role of a pirate. When it was our turn to try out (with my luck I knew something bad was bound to happen) I had to go first... I thought to myself " GOD DANG IT WHY DO I HAVE TO GO FIRST" I always suck at anything I do if I have to go first. So of course I did suck and I forgot a lyric or two. I felt like an idiot and it really pissed me off. I hope I get in because the guy after me didn't do so well so that made me more optimistic as to getting a pirate role. Tommy did an awesome job and I sat there still terrified at how bad I did. I always do bad when I'm in the Lime light. I can't stand the pressure of so many people staring at me at once. I have problems with picking up on others negative thoughts or reactions very easily. Almost as if I am in everyone at the same time and can just tell what the whole room is thinking. Ms. Hampton thought I did just fine. I could tell by the soft look of her eye. Mr. Bundy was a little questionable but thought I did better than most, just not the best. The class thought mostly what Mr. Bundy did so I guess it's not that bad. At least I wasn't the worst out of everyone. Besides I'm just doing the play for fun so meh. The only thing I fear is that Tommy will get in and I won't because that would just be fudged up. I wouldn't get to have any fun or be hanging out with Tommy.

Tommy and I headed for T-Bizzle( Taco Bell) for lunch. I paid for him and we hung out for a little while at his house. I met his step dad who seemed kind of well extremely stressed. We couldn't stay in the house so me and him went to the park to wait for his mom to get there. At the park Tommy showed me the usual hang out spots of the kids that live there. It was sorta messy but it wasn't a total mess. I wanted to clean it just a little but I had nothing to clean it with so I kinda just let it go. He gave me some of his CD's and told me to keep em. When we got back to his house we saw his step dad's car was still there but not his moms. So we drove around until she came back. His mom is most likely the most awesome woman I have ever met. She does I.T. in Louisville and knows C++. She makes her own programs and does a little bit of everything. She does multimedia for her company and makes programs for them. I had no idea how cool his mom was, I guess it embarrasses him?? Although didn't really get the vibe.. It was more like he never thought to mention it thing.

Me and him are supposed to hang out this Friday. I just hope Liza remembers and let's us go to the mall. I want to go see Lucky Pineapple at Headliners but I don't know if we will be able to make it. If we could meet up with Bryce at his house and have him take us then I think that would be a better idea. I suck at driving around Louisville and don't feel like killing myself or Tommy. So we will just have to see what ends up happening.

Well I can't really think of anything else other than Mr. Townsends test was very weird. It had several questions that didn't seem like something he would ask on his test. He infact has never had that kind of test format. I didn't enjoy it and it was extremely hard. I just hope I at least got a C -_-. I even studied for like an hour and that didn't seem like enough because I study for the way he usually gives tests. Which are never that hard or anyoing to do.

Anyway I guess I'll post Tomorrow PEACE!